Be still and know that I am God...

Tonight at bedtime Maddie said, "Mommy, there's something I've been wanting to ask you." (Last time she said that, it was about how to hear God... that she tries so hard but just hasn't ever heard him and does that mean she isn't a Godly person?) So tonight she asked about a specific time she remembers me making a decision and saying that I prayed about it first. She wanted to know how I knew God's answer, so we talked about it. I empathized with her struggle and told her that people spend their whole lives trying to "tune into" God and hear him... that sometimes he speaks to us through the Bible/scriptures, through circumstances, through people and through feelings - that wonderful sense of peace we get when we align our will/choices with his will. But even the best intentions sometimes still miss the mark. She said tonight that she really wants to spend more time with him, but that she doesn't so she feels like maybe she's not Godly afterall and maybe not a good Christian. We proceeded to have a conversation about what it means to be a Christian - that you a merely a follower of Jesus, an imperfect one that has peaks and valleys. I told her at least one NOG at each meeting admits to feeling that they don't spend enough time in his presence, and that I feel that way, too! We point our lives in his direction and do our best, understanding that we will miss the mark. Thankfully he does not judge us the way we judge ourselves. Sure, he misses us when we're not spending time with him, but doesn't tap his foot impatiently... he just holds his arms open for when we do come. I told her that the very fact that she has the desire and has these questions shows how Godly she is! She quoted Psalm 46: 10 (Be still and know...) and said that she tries but it is SO hard! I chuckled and said, yep... welcome to the human condition. It was the coolest conversation. Then she started asking about baptism and wondered how that would play out if she still wrestled with these questions. We talked about how baptism is a public confession of your faith - a public display of your commitment to live you life in God's direction, following Jesus. That does not mean you don't make mistakes and have highs and lows, but he is your compass and that which you always come back to when you do get off track. It also means you are more accountable for you choices. She felt so much better after we talked, and said she was so glad to have a mom like me to ask important questions about God to. Then she said that I am the most special mom in the world, and I said I have to agree since God picked me to get her and Matthew. She's really thinking a lot about baptism, and she said, "I just know I'll feel SO happy afterwards!"