A Powerful Day...

Well, I've hit a very interesting time in my new job...

At the very beginning, it was like drinking water from a fire hydrant... and because of that, I knew I was merely in survival mode. Some balls WILL get dropped, but the essential and urgent will (hopefully) get done. Then, a few weeks in, I'm feeling pretty good! I haven't missed any more classes or completely forgotten about a meeting, and I'm actually prepared for things BEYOND the next 10 minutes. I'm feeling like all the balls are at least IN the air now... none are dropping to the ground. Now that myth has been disspelled... balls are still falling and I'm really NOT as prepared or together as I thought I was. Questions about grading arise - are we grading the same, what about giving partial credit? what about grading homework? I'm having to question and reflect upon my philosophies on these important questions, and at a different level than I've worked with before: middle school. So SHOULD my grading and homework philosophies be different at this age? I don't know. I'm also not used to having to agree on and coordinate on such details... middle school teachers teaching the same class...do we have to grade exactly the same way? Certainly some things need to be consistent, because parents compare do, but what are the essential things? All of these questions are so important, and they require a lot of thought and reflection... and they make me realize I don't have things nearly as "together" as I thought. ;-)  That's a good thing, because it means there's room for growth, but it's also unsettling... which ALSO makes room.for.growth.  :-)

This realization began to rumble around my head on Wednesday, and by Friday it was a full-fledge roar. Something too loud to ignore. So now I begin to ponder and feel very distracted by all of the questions rolling around in my head. Then Friday in chapel, we watched such a moving a video, and in God's perfect timing, He used it to remind me that NONE of this is about ME and my expectations.

It's about a loving God and Father, who is with me every step of the way to equip me to be HIS hands and feet to His children here on this earth. I can do that as a teacher, as a mom, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend... but I have to seek Him and seek His wisdom, in the small things like how to grade AND the big things like how to inspire kids who don't like math to see the bigger picture, that there is a God who loves them no matter what.  The small things like encouraging Maddie when she makes careless mistakes in math, and the big things like nothing Matthew and Maddie can ever do will make us (or God) love them less -- or more!

I was also humbled and touched by this video in another profound way... it took me on an emotional journey back to Matthew's diagnosis.  It reminded of how hopeless and afraid I was in those early days.  And then I was overcome with emotion at the gratitude and awe of this incredible journey... a journey we are still in the thick of but that inspires me -- and scares me -- and blesses me beyond imagination.  I am so humbled by how far we have ALL come, and how God uses all of it to draw me closer to Him.  When I find myself getting frustrated and discouraged that Matthew comes upstairs on a fall day in September with pants, long sleeve shirt and a sweatshirt all because the high temp is predicted to be a little TINY bit cooler than the day before, I have to remember that he IS getting ready completely independently, and that this is just a teaching opportunity -- with SUCH an incredibly TEACHABLE boy.  I have two children that I love so much my heart could explode, and to think we have a God that loves -- and ME -- even more than that!!

 Here's the video... it's about 12 minutes long, but so worth the watch. Grab a tissue... even I needed one.  No lie...