Cool moments... and otherwise

This post is just a few things that I never want to forget... and one that I do. :-) Last Monday, I was getting ready to start cooking tacos. Matthew was reading, but Maddie had just finished her homework, so I asked if she wanted to help. As soon as I did, Matthew (from the other room) said, "Can I help, too?" Wow! He proceeded to brown the ground beef completely by himself, while Maddie cut the avocado and got it ready for the guacamole almost completely by HERself! What great kitchen helpers I have! There have been other times we've cooked together, but this one was the coolest. Then Tuesday night, Maddie had a lot of homework, and I was getting ready to start cooking. Matthew was in the other room studying for the upcoming spelling bee. Suddenly I heard, "Mom, mind if I come help you cook dinner?" DO I MIND?! Come on! He sliced cucumbers, fixed the salads... it was so cool! Yesterday was a not so cool moment that ended OK. Matthew kept 'yelling' (talking in a loud, not so nice tone) while Jeff was playing Mario and a little afterwards. I kept correcting him. Later he came up to me with a very serious face and said he was really sorry about all that had happened. Then - and this broke my heart - his lip quivered and he said, "Sometimes I wish I could take my autism away." And he hugged me. I assured him that even with that yelling/tone, he's MUCH less obnoxious than any other 12 year old I know. I told him that some of that didn't even have anything to do with his autism... I told him that I do things all the time that I wish I hadn't done - it's part of being human. I told him that I would NEVER want his autism to be taken away, because it's what makes him special and wonderfully unique and who God created him to be. All of this seemed to make him feel much better. I guess at some time or another we've all wished we were different in some way, but that really strikes a cord. I pray so hard that he continues to really own who he is like he always has up to this point. Poor Maddie also had a moment. I'm thinking hormonal mood swings are beginning, as early as it seems. She just hits these spots where she's more sensitive and more grumpy than usual. The good news is, she's pretty aware of it, and we're usually able to talk about it, at least after it passes. The worst is at night when she's already tired, and she'll say she can feel this underlying angry spot inside. Bless her heart. Then she'll cry because she's so frustrated that she's so on edge. She doesn't WANT to feel that way. She had one of these moments last night, and at first I told her I wish I knew how to help, but by the time we had snuggled during our "bedtime routine" and chatted a bit, the cloud lifted. She said, "Mom, you always know how to make me feel better." I hope that continues for quite a while. I know these ups and downs are normal, and I pray that God will give me wisdom and the words (or lack of) when I need them to encourage her, comfort her and reassure her. I don't want to lose the joyful girl that's in there. Both of them probably fed off of MY bad mood yesterday. We had the Lionheart auction Saturday night, and it was truly an amazing, inspiring event. However, MY job was the audio/visual... and what could go wrong WENT WRONG. It was HORRIBLE. The frustrating thing is that it looked like (a) I hadn't prepared at all or done any sound/video checks or (b) that I didn't know what I was doing. Neither was true!!! ACK. I was so frustrated. The whole week was busy and stressful leading up to the night, and I was so looking forward to that feeling of satisfaction from a job well done. So much for that. I have to move past it without that sense of closure, but it's frustrating because there's no redeeming myself next year. Oh well. I know, at least, that I did the best I could do. Darn that last minute video of the dog they handed me at 7pm. rrrrrrrrrr.