Blown away...

I sound like a broken record to the people around me right now, but I have to say it again - Matthew is in such an incredible "place right now!" I was going to get on here to blog about a conversation we had over dinner last night, but now I have something else to share first.

After church today we stopped at Publix. While we were waiting outside in the warmth for Jeff to finish paying, Maddie started badgering me about renting Soul Surfer today (a discussion that had previously been snuffed and argument deemed annoying by Matthew, to which I agreed). SO, when she asked again, I merely plugged my ears. Matthew saw me and walked over and said,

"I know... being a mom is hard sometimes." To which I replied, "Yes, but it's wonderful all the time." THEN he said,
"Yes, well, God always helps you." THEN,
When I grow up, it may not be God's plan for me to have children. It may not be in His plan for me to get married... or have children."
me: "Do you want to get married some day?"
M: "Yes."
me: "Do you want to have kids? Are you worried about it because of your autism?"
M: "Yes, but I know that God will help me if that's his plan for me (to have kids)."

Now, that's significant because of our conversation last night...

M: "When I get married, I'm going to marry somebody with NO mental conditions so that my children won't have autism."
me: "What do you mean?"
M: "I have autism because you have dysthymia. It comes from the mother."
Jeff: "You got it from Mommy and Daddy... but most of all because it was God's plan for you."
M: "Well, I could always adopt my children so they won't be born with my autism."
me: Are there things about having autism that you don't like?
M: "Sometimes, but mostly I like it. It just makes some things hard. I think it makes me crave the computer/technology."
me (and Jeff): "Guess what? People without autism have things about themselves that are hard or that they would like to change, too. I do."
M: "Really? Like what?
me: "Well, for one, I crave sweets... and I have to practice self control just like you do with the computer... and it's hard sometimes!! And it's very unhealthy if I don't!"
M: "Wow... I didn't know you craved sweets!"
(then Jeff share about how he used to struggle with his temper - he would get mad/cry/etc. when he lost. He admitted to struggling with being lazy now.)
Maddie: "I wish I didn't get so hyper so much... I have a hard time with that."
M: "It also makes me want to be in my head sometimes which keeps me from being with you."
We wrapped it up with agreeing that no matter who you are, there are things that are hard that you have to work on, but we are not alone in that. God is bigger than all of our problems and struggles, and he wants to help us. We just keep trying to make good choices and ask God to help.