Can't believe it's been so long!

I'll blame Facebook, at least partially, for my lack of posts... it's so easy to make a quick update and save a thought or a memory there.  I'm through with Facebook though... back to blogging.  I think it will be good for me, too... for lots of reasons.  This will be my stream of consiousness so to speak, so it may not be fun to read, but if I ever actually get around to writing a book, this will hold many of the pieces to our puzzle.  I will slowly go back and try to fill in the gaps here so that we have a more complete picture, but that will take time.  In the mean time, this will become my journal, my therapy, my record of success and triumph as well as defeat.  The real deal... without worrying about the implications of social media.

I decided to get off the Facebook merry-go-round for several reasons, even though it DOES, decidedly, also have benefits.  I've been debating it for a while, thinking that even though people like to hear about Matthew and Maddie, I find myself checking how many "likes" a post of mine has...  when that's not at all what's it should be about!  The final straw came from looking at the all the smiling pictures from Saturday's Sadie Hawkins dance, to which Matthew did not get asked.  All of the asking, not asking, going, not going is so normal and so NOT new, but when I was growing up, you didn't have see all the fun pictures from all the folks who DID get asked and who DID go.  Matthew could've gone without a date, but he didn't want to, and I don't blame him.  He has a great attitude -  I asked him early on if it would bother him if he didn't get asked to Sadie, and he said a little, but he'd get over it.  Then later he said he thought there were lots of girls who'd want to ask him but probably weren't going to ask anyone.  :-)  I love that!  It bothers me more than it bothers him!  LOL.

Here's what has been on my mind for the past several months with Matthew:  He's doing so great and has so many friends, but he doesn't yet know really how to deepen those friendships.  The beautiful thing is that he is interacting and engaging at higher levels than EVER before!  He just doesn't really understand how to invest in people yet, not really.  In all honesty, I'm sure a lot of freshman boys don't, but I feel like it's much LESS natural for Matthew... something others may learn in time but that he truly needs help with.  We try, and talk and model, but I realize he needs more than just his parents and sister feeding this.  In God's perfect timing, our doctor that maintains Matthew's meds suggested a guy to work with Matthew, and it is such an answer to prayer.

Matthew has now had three sesstions with this cognitive behavioral therapist (who Matthew thinks is a GENIUS) who is hopefully going to help with just that.  Matthew has had several sessions with Dr. Whitney and really likes him.  They are working on better perspective/placement of people (obsessiveness with Meghan and Casey, letting go and moving on... keeping people in their proper perspecive/place relationally).  Matthew and I have had so many talks recently about Casey... he's having such a hard time letting go.  I finally asked him to consider this fact:  do you think she spends as much time thinking about you as you do her?  As hard as that is to consider, do you realize that the relationship was/is mostly in your head?  That was very profound and eye-opening for him to consider.  I said that as much as he felt lilke they were alike, they'd spent little face to face (or heart to heart) time, and THAT's what builds a relationship.  Poor guy... it's so hard!  He's really praying and asking God to help him let his thoughts of Casey go, but in that are questions like why God brought her into his life to begin with and so forth.  I'm so thankful that he talks to me about all of this... often at bedtime or when we're sitting alone at the kitchen table.  But he talks... and he shares.  As hard as it is on both of our hearts, it's an important step to his healing and moving on.  Dr. Whitney told Matthew he needs to place people in "boxes":  season, reason, life... and he realized that Casey was a "season"... and those people impact us and we can learn and grow, but they may never cross our paths again.

Even with that emotional turmoil/setback, Matthew is doing incredibly well at Wesleyan... far better than we could've ever imagined!  The first semester of his freshman year, taking 5 honors classes, he had all A's, with several A+'s!  His honors world history teacher told me just the other day that he is doing SO well with the critical thinking aspect of the course now, which wasn't true at the beginning of the year.  He can tell a real difference, and he has taught himself the teacher said! (When I mentioned this to Matthew, he humbly acknowledged that Mr. Russell has helped him.  He's the teacher Matthew visits the most during office hours, and Mr. Russell said even Matthew's approach to office hours has changed.  He started out coming in to "correct" Mr. Russell, and now he comes in to learn and ask questions.  COOL!  His teachers comment that he wants to answer questions but will carefully watch and look and give others a chance to answer as well.  The kids seem to love Matthew, and I know Matthew thinks so much of so many of them.  Now for the next level... friendships that go beyond the classroom.

Here are some cool things socially Matthew has done:  asked us if he could host a study group during exams - he planned it, invited folks and had a turn out of about 10 folks!  asked if he could host a movie night for his discipleship group at church - great turn out again!  And he rarely turns down a chance to be with his friends:  went to super bowl party and a mystery room gathering with discipleship group, basketball game on a Friday night with d-group, the movies with English class friends, red carpet night for the musical, all sorts of things like that.  He's a joiner!!  Loves it... except for Sadie.  That's one of the first social outings I've known him to opt out of.  :-)