Fourteen...

I didn't expect 14 to be so hard... but I guess I should've.  We've been coasting along a little to easily through Holland lately... we were bound to hit some more bumps.  Bumps like arguing that smacking IS indeed OK because it's easier.  Bumps like being 'bugged' by practically anything your sister says to you.  Bumps like surfing the internet in the midst of "homework" even when you PROMISE to use your computer responsibly this time... and then lying about it when you get caught.  Bumps like no loner getting up dependably on your own and getting ready in the morning efficiently and independently.  Bumps like needing reminding to do practically anything except your homework (which is a brightspot... there's never any arguing over homework).

The other night when I caught Matthew surfing RIGHT after he told me he'd be responsible while on the computer to do his homework, and then he tried lying about what he'd been doing... I was so disappointed and frustrated.  Instead of talking it to death, though, I just told him how disappointed I was.  Later, as I was telling him good night, I calmly but matter-of-factly said, "I just don't feel like I know you right now."  His response?  "To be honest, I don't feel like I know myself... and it scares me."  Ugh.  The turmoil of adolescence and being 14.  I hugged him, we prayed together, and I assured him we would get through this "growing up thing" together... with God as our center.  I think I thought the hard part was over........... now it's just a different kind of hard.  A more typical type of hard, perhaps?



Update...I started this in August and just added on tonight....

Fourteen is still a conundrum, but one we are navigating together.  I just read what I'd written earlier in the fall, and I'm amazed at how much better it is already!  And I've been thinking this week how HARD it is!  ha!  How easily we get used to our "new normals".  Matthew is doing so well getting up and getting ready, getting his homework done efficiently (the whole lying incident with the surfing shaped him I think... he wants to be trusted, and he knows he has freedom WHEN the work is done).  He is working really hard to "let go" of the Megan turmoil... realizing that only God can help with that.  It's bigger than he is and has a tight grip, but finally he feels like some that stress is being lifted (he said that after our talk about how he is letting her take up too much real estate in his mind and have too much of his thoughts... pushing God and so much other stuff out.  We talked about how when something is that hard for us, we can't conquer it on own, nor should we try.  The next day he said he felt so much less stressed.  Go, God!)

He soooo loves Wesleyan.  He's still easily annoyed with Maddie, but he just told some of his friends last week that she is one of his best friends.  How cool is that?!  He loves marching band, and he LOVES all of this classes.  He still struggles with humility, but we are praying and talking with him.  He has been REALLY stuck on this idea of the whole world being family (thank you, Mental Floss), irrationally and illogically talking about it to us and others... we would try to explain how he wasn't adhering to our social norms and using the word "family" in the context that our culture uses it... he just defended himself and said everyone else was wrong.  I was so frustrated that he couldn't see the lack of logic in that... how he couldn't see that the only truth you should hold onto that dogmatically and unequivocally is that from the Bible, that it's important to sift your ideas with other intellegient people and then form your own opinion... once you've sought wise council... not being an island and thinking everyone else is just wrong.  Finally tonight, at our family meeting, as we were discussing the week (what went well, what didn't, etc), he said the argument over that was something that didn't go well.  I asked him if were at a stale mate with that (because we'd had three conversations, all ending in frustration on both sides), and he said no!  He said he would use words in context with the social norms... WOW.  I'm amazed at how he always comes around.  I asked if he felt frustrated or defeated, and he said no, not at all... that he gets it now.  So proud of that boy.